The Sharing Place...A Special Place

Before I go into this post, I need to back up about 2 years.  Some of you may remember while others maybe didn't know, so I'll bring everybody up to speed.  My Father passed away in November of 2014.  I think of him often and the great ways in which my life was blessed by him.  He loved his Grandchildren.  He loved children in general and they certainly loved him.  Anybody who knew my Father knew this about him.  For those who didn't know my Father, you can read a little about him here...or here.  Even as I read and reread these posts, it's hard not to shed a tear. 

 

When my Father was in his final days, I made several trips to Southern California to be with him.  On what proved to be the last trip I'd need to take, my daughter, Leah gave me her Olaf doll and asked me to give it to her Grandpa Bud.  She explained that Olaf could watch over him to make him feel safe, just as her stuffed jaguar doll, Jagger, had done for me on some of my trips.  I made good on my promise and delivered that Olaf to my Dad with Leah's words of comfort.  Olaf never left his side until the end.  Again, you can read a more detailed account here. 

 

D.O.D. and Olaf

 

During and after Dad's last week with us, my Brother Scott and I cleaned Dad's apartment and had the difficult task of what to do with his last remaining Earthly items.  Among the possessions was a can of coins he had been collecting with the intent of using the money to purchase Christmas gifts for the Grandkids.  He had made a point of explaining that to my brother Jim and my Sister-in-law, Samantha (I think), so we knew it was important to him.  After he passed, I believe it was my nieces, Hailey and Madyson, who had the idea to take that money and do something good with it on his behalf.  Many of us and many more of you added to Dad's coin jar in the form of donations instead of flowers for his memorial.  We ended up collecting around $700 which was about 10x's more than Dad had managed to save. 

 

Our initial intention was to buy Olaf dolls for children battling cancer.  From the beginning, this project seemed doomed to failure.  Between trying to line up all of our schedules and failing to locate a children's cancer group that would allow us to, not only donate the Olaf dolls, but also to participate in the distribution, we just couldn't make it work.  It was important to me that Leah and Dax participated.  I wanted them to have another experience to bring joy into the lives of others.  I wanted to provide them a chance to realize how blessed they are and lastly, tie this altogether from Grandpa to Leah's loving gesture to the sacrifice of others and then to service.  Unfortunately, due to the dangers that were inherent in dealing with children with vulnerable immune systems, no groups could help us help them.  Then I found the Sharing Place. 

What a great experience for our family to learn more about this special place.
All the Trospers, but one, in front of The Sharing Place.

 

1 in 20 children will experience the death of a parent before graduating high school.  Children who do not have access to grief support are much more at risk to develop emotional, psychological and even physical health issues.  The Sharing Place provides a safe and caring environment to grieving children, teens and families to share their feelings while healing.  When I first found this place online, I immediately felt like this is someplace my Father would find comfort.  First and foremost, it was all about the kids.  Again, Dad loves children.  Secondly, the first picture I noticed on their website was of a group therapy/comfort session wherein a Talking Stick was used and each child embraced a stuffed animal.  My family had a Talking Stick, so that rang familiar to my soul.  There was already a built in use for stuffed animals like our Olaf dolls.  Lastly, many don't realize, my Dad struggled with depression and grief his whole life, especially during his latter years.  I'm certain a place like this would have offered comfort to him. 

The Sharing Place is an older home that has been converted to this purpose.

 

After meeting Jill, the director of The Sharing Place, we sat and discussed the
general purpose of the place before she gave us a tour. 

The kids were well behaved and I think they felt the special spirit of the place.
Of course, their Grandpa Bud was on their minds as well and they were
anxious to do some good in the world on his behalf.

 

Jill McFarlane explaining to us the history and purpose of The Sharing Place

 

I knew immediately this would be the place that we could do a little good while allowing ourselves to heal from the loss of my Dad.  A place that would allow a little comfort and grief therapy to my children and especially my older nieces who felt the loss of their Grandfather even more so than the younger kids.  While they would not let us deliver any of the Olaf dolls to the children directly (obvious privacy issues), they did let us visit The Sharing Place for a personal tour and explanation of their services and intentions for the Olaf Dolls. 

 

Ultimately, some of the children at The Sharing Place will receive these dolls to keep as their own, some will be used in the group therapy sessions and others will be used by police officers who are dealing with children in situations where their parents have died, are injured or otherwise detained.  We were just stoked to find a place that would involve us and our children...a place that also had some unintended therapy that we could use ourselves.  A special place that did a lot of good for those who are too often forgotten, but may need it most.  And the best part was that they could accommodate our entire family at a rare busy holiday time when we were all together.  The director, Jill, was awesome and even came in on her day off to accommodate us and give us the tour.  As is often the case in service, we the servants, were very likely better served than those we were there to serve.

In the Teen Center part of The Sharing Place, there was an opportunity for each of us to
experience one of the therapeutic exercises that other grieving children get to do.  We each
took the time to write a note or a memory or draw a picture on a flag dedicated to Dad that we
could hang in the "Memory Garden".

Leah drawing something for Grandpa Bud.

I think it was good for the kids to participate in this activity. 



Leah drawing a heart for Grandpa.

I had hoped that it would be particularly helpful for Hailey and Mady.  The younger kids
certainly miss their Grandpa, but it was Hailey and Mady that had the most experiences with
him in their lives.  I remember when my Grandfather died.  I was 14 and the oldest of all
of the Grandchildren.  I remember crying and figuring that the other kids didn't get it as they
were younger than I. Hopefully Hailey and Mady got something out of this visit.  I know they
miss him dearly.

Grace writing a note for Papa Bud.

I think Hailey was reluctant to participate at first, but I'm so glad she did.

Jim drew a picture of one of Dad's specialty meals, "Pink Spaghetti".  I don't remember it, but
Jimmy certainly did. 

Lucas displaying his flag for Papa Bud.

I think this was a good moment for my Mom.  She misses Dad so much, but
she realizes that her sons, daughters in law and grandchildren are all an
amazing result of her and Dad. 

Mom's flag for Dad.  "BLNAF" means "Bud-Les-Now-And-Forever"

Our flags were mixed throughout the snowy garden alongside the flags of so many more
flags.  Each flag representing somebody that was lost to another. 

One of my flags.  "Dear Old Dad, I miss you.  I love you.  #1 Son"

Grace showing her flag.  "I wish he was still on Earth.  I love him.  Grace"

Mady, Grace and Leah



Mady's flag.  "Love you always.   Love Mady"

Dax's flag.  Dax looks sad, but I'm guessing it's because somebody wouldn't let him play
in the snow or throw snowballs.

Dax's memory flag ~ Big Smiles and Trucks ~ his memories of Grandpa Bud.

 

I know The Sharing Place is ran entirely on donations and a few fund raising events.  If you can find a way to donate to their very wonderful cause, I know they will appreciate it and I'm certain lives will be touched as a result.  You can make donations here.  I love you Pops and I hope you are proud of what we did with your jar of coins. 

Thank you Jill for finding homes for Grandpa Bud's Olaf dolls.  Thank you for welcoming
us in.  Keep up the good fight and doing the wonderful things you and The Sharing Place
are doing. 

L to R:  Scott, Samantha, Lucas, Cynthia, Olafs, Madyson, Olafs, Jane, Jim,
Dax, Hailey, Leah, Olafs, Sarah, Olafs, Grace, Olafs, Me, Mom and Olafs.

Here are a few more pics of our tour:

The place has a few fund raisers, but ultimately, it's ran mostly from donations.

They really do a lot of therapy via the arts.  The evidence of this
is found everywhere and in every different artistic medium.



The main house, upstairs and in the basement, are set up mostly for children.
There are places for individual, family or group therapies as well as art rooms,
play rooms, personal reflection and even an anger room.

The Anger Room:  One of the stages of grief is anger.  This room is thickly padded from floor
to ceiling and every wall.  The closet is filled with soft things to throw  and the kids who are
experiencing grief related anger are encouraged to "let it all out" in here. 

This is a group therapy room where they employ the "talking stick".  There are
blankets for warmth and stuffed animals for the kids to cuddle with.  The
concept of the talking stick is a native American tradition.  We have one in
our family.  When somebody holds the talking stick, they have the floor.  It is
an ancient version of holding up the Scout sign for silence.  The person with the
stick can use that time to make a toast, share a feeling, thought or testimony. 
In this setting it gives the child the opportunity to be heard in a non-judgmental
forum. 

This is the reflection and alone time room.  It has kind of a tree house feel.  It's someplace the
child can go to, place a picture on the wall of their deceased loved one and remember, reflect,
and contemplate. 

There is also a teen center built out behind the main home.  This has a bit
more of a young adult vibe to it.  There is a television, video games, art
supplies, books, etc.  Ultimately, it's a place to go when you're feeling alone.
Attached to this hangout is another anger room for teens to utilize.

Mom reflecting and writing a note for Pops.

The teen anger room.

Similar to the memory garden is a wall in the back where you can make a
ceramic tile dedicated to your loss and display it among others.  I think with
many of these art projects, what I found interesting is that they don't take the
art with them.  It's almost as if they leave a bit of their grief with the piece
of art each time...helping to eventually releasing them from the grips of
grief, sadness and depression.  Ultimately, it is okay and important to retain
some of that grief...or so I assume...I'm no psychologist, but it is important
to life that we learn to move from those things that pain us so.



Notes about deceased loved ones. 

This place was a happy and sad place for sure.  You could see the pain in
the art displayed that these children, youth and adolescents were feeling and
it made it very real.  I love how they have something for every age and
that this place provides an opportunity to express real emotions that are all
too often otherwise suppressed. 

 

 Unfortunately, The Sharing Place is stretched beyond it's financial and logistical ability to help all that are in need.  I think I will make it a point to direct to The Sharing Place those people I know and love who might have a need for such a place.  My brother is a police officer and he saw a great need for something like this and was able to gather some information regarding a network of similar programs.  I certainly will donate to this cause further and am grateful for the healing benefits of this place that my family felt.