Everyone knows, it takes real guts to be an organ donor!
Well, it's been 3 months since I've last posted, and I beg of you for your forgiveness. The response to my initial announcement of kidney failure took me by surprise. Not only did I not expect such an outpouring of love and support, but I was also not expecting my response to be one of shrinking and wanting to hide. It's kind of hard to explain, and if I could explain it, I would probably sound like a looney! I was both overcome with emotions of comfort and relief while simultaneously wishing nobody knew. Perhaps if you've been in a similar situation, you might know what I'm talking about, but the last three months has been an up and down rollercoaster of emotions...tears one minute, smiles the next...times of warmth of embraces followed by periods of loneliness. During times of need for warmth of embraces I sometimes still desired solitude or vice-versa. It's been difficult to process at times. I have always had a pretty good grasp on things in my life, but not as much these days and that has caused me to fall back into the shadows at times and let things pass me by.
That all being the case, I am still progressing toward the goal of receiving a kidney transplant. I've been subjected to almost every test and scrutiny one can imagine along the way, but so far have passed with only a few minor issues. Ultimately, my heart is strong and I've been cleared and approved as a good candidate for a transplant. They have placed me on the waiting list as a "Status 7" candidate. This means I have a few things I still need to do before I can receive a transplant, but I am on the list and "earning time". The short list of things I still need to do include dental clearance, colonoscopy, the covid shot and lose 25 lbs. All of these things are achievable in the next 3-12 months. Once these things are checked off, I will be granted "Status 1".
Once listed as Status 1, there is still one major thing to wait on and that is the most important and key element in the entire procedure...a healthy donor kidney. The average wait time here in Utah for me to receive a kidney will be 3-5 years, however a live donor stepping forward that is a match will speed up that timeline greatly. This brings me to the biggest question of all and, honestly speaking, I find it a difficult question to ask. In fact, for those who have already offered, I find it difficult to know how to respond. How does one ask for a part of another? I'm a pretty independent person, but ultimately, I have no problem asking someone for help, for their time, or effort or financial assistance. I know that those things can all be replaced and there will always be more of them in a lifetime, but to ask for a kidney...someone's flesh and blood. That is a hard ask. And it's almost as hard to know how to respond when someone is willing. Such a huge offering. It isn't giving their life, but it is giving of their life so that another might continue theirs. What an amazing act to consider.
I am not afraid of illness or pain. I've lived with this my whole life. I'm not afraid of discomfort or making adjustments or sacrificing. I'm not even afraid to die, but I am afraid of two things, abandoning my family in their time of need...or worse, being present, but not helpful in their time of need. I want to be able and available to help when it's needed most. This desire to be there for Sarah, Leah and Dax is the driving force for me to go through the things I'm currently enduring...and none of it is fun for me. I hate all of it. Absolutely. I'm doing all kinds of things that I've specifically avoided my entire life, just in an effort to be here for my family and now I must do one more thing that I find extremely uncomfortable.
Please consider donating a kidney for me. For Sarah. For Leah and Dax. For my Mom. I would also encourage you to consider doing this, not just for me, but for anybody that may be in need and a match. There are few times in our lives that we truly have the opportunity to save a life and to give so greatly of ourselves in such a way that has an impact as great as organ donorship has. I love you for considering. If you choose not to or cannot due to whatever reason, I still love you for considering it and for hearing me. I love you for loving me. I love you for loving my fun and beautiful family. If you do choose to apply, please know how much it means to me. I have had several moments of privately sobbing and equally as many moments of feeling too numb to respond. I don't know how to act in such a situation, but I do appreciate the consideration and the willingness to give of yourself for another.
If you decide to see if you'd be a good match as a donor, please use the QR code below. As you go through the process, you may be asked information regarding potential recipients. If I am that potential recipient, my legal name is Raymond Trosper and my birthday is 02/05/1970. Again, thank you and I love you.
