The "F" Word

I don't know who said it, but I have always liked the saying, "Profanity is the sign of a weak mind forcibly expressing itself". My Mother and Father never swore...at least not in front of us boys. They definitely taught us not to cuss. Therefore, it is no surprise that I have never been a fan of profanity and I rarely swear. Now, I have gone through my streaks of using "damn" or "hell" and Sarah has been known to say to me sternly, "Don't say 'ASS'!" Other than those words, I don't use strong language and I immediately question (right or wrong) the intelligence of those who do.

With all that said, as I get older, my taste to use that one word my Mother hates more than any other word continues to grow. That's right. The "F" Bomb! No, not THAT "F" word! I mean the word, "Fart"! My Mum HATES that word. Seriously, I may not be surprised to learn that she would prefer me to use the GrandDaddy of all swear words than the word fart! Growing up, it seemed she got more mad about the use of the word Fart more than any other word ever used. Then again, I never used any stronger words than Fart, but she sure didn't approve.

As I got older and moved out on my own, I was always entertained by my Mum's reaction when I did use the word "fart". It was fun to get her riled up knowing that I was too old for her to do anything about it. In fact, you may notice how many times I have already used the word, "fart" in this blog entry. I know my Mum will read it and her skin will crawl with each pronunciation. F - A - R - T ! HAHA! Mum, you know I love you. I remember one time telling this to my young men on the way to a Boy Scout Camp. They too thought it was funny. I called my Mum just so we could all pass around the phone and say "fart". She laughed, but I know she hated it too.

I seriously don't understand the hang up with this word. Some of the words my Mum prefers to replace it with are "dropping daisies" or "fluff bunnies". Of course there is the ever ridiculous, "whoopie". This one proved to be very confusing for a young boy in the 70's growing up with "The Newlywed Game" on TV. Why did the host always want to know where the newlyweds last farted?! (Where was the last place you made whoopie?) Anyway, I decided early on that I would use the word fart around my children and that they would be granted the opportunity to grow up using the word fart and by doing so help them avoid embarrassing situations wherein they use much weirder adjectives or names to describe that awful body function.

I remember in one of Dennis Miller's rants he said, "Kids laugh at farts because farts are funny!" The Lou is one talented farter and on occasions when she forgets, I will remind her to say "excuse me" when she farts. Early this morning at 3am, I taught her to pull my finger. (My Mom is going to kill me and probably Pooh too). The Lou thought it was hilarious! She laughed and laughed. Then she said it, "Daddy, you farted". It didn't sound right. It sounded wrong. Should my little princess be using such language, and at such an early age?! Now, granted, it didn't sound as bad as I am sure my Mother would describe, but nonetheless, for a moment I debated if I should correct her and than correct myself. After a few thoughts, and with no better idea what I should call "it", I said, "Yes, baby. Daddy Farted. Excuse me."

Farts are funny. Kids know it and I think the word itself lends a little laughter to the situation. Then again, that is just one man's opinion....I may be sleeping on the couch.

PS - Mum, I love you. And for the record, I never really farted or taught The Lou to pull my finger. I never fart. I also do all my homework, finish my chores before playing and eat all my peas.