You Never Really Understand Until You're A Parent

I work hard.  I work hard to provide for my children everything I think they deserve.  Everything they deserve and more.  Sometimes I struggle with the understanding that they don't really get how hard it is sometime.  Of course, Dax is too young, but Leah is getting older every day, but she still doesn't get it.  She doesn't even begin to grasp how much time, thought, effort and money it takes to give her the things she wants and needs.

Of course, I don't do these things or make these sacrifices for me.  I don't expect praise or adoration for my sacrifices.  I do it for them.  And the thanks...the reward...is the looks on their faces, their enjoyment, their amazement and their wonderment.  When we introduce them to something new, like the play we took them to this evening, I often find myself watching them watching the play.  It is such a great reward to watch the gleaming in their eyes as they take it in.  It truly is enough payment for me, but still, sometimes, I do wish they knew just what it takes to make them happy.

I have heard many say, you don't really know until you're a parent.  I am learning this is the case with me.  I have always tried my entire life to be grateful.  I recognize my blessings and try to share my gratitude for these blessings often.  Parenting...sacrificing for my children has deepened my gratitude for my parents.  I now realize how hard they worked to provide for me and my brothers everything we deserved and in some cases those things we perhaps did not deserve.  Being a parent helps me realize more and more the sacrifices they made for me and for our family and perhaps I haven't been grateful enough.  

I've noticed something recently.  My brothers and I like to tease my Mom about how heavily she relied on Banquet Fried Chicken or Swanson's Pot Pies or dehydrated potatoes.  I made mention to my Mother tonight how much I hated wearing Payless Shoe Source shoes as a kid.  She quickly pointed out that I also had Vans and that they weren't cheap.  I have heard my Mother point out on occasion that she didn't always rely on frozen meals and that many times she also made meals from scratch...and from love.  

Then it hit me.  Kids don't get it.  I didn't get it as a kid.  I do now.  My parents made GREAT sacrifices for me and my brothers.  Sacrifices such as their retirements so we could have name brand clothes or shoes to mix in with the generic or knock off brands.  Sacrifices such as the home cooked meal on special occasions or just because.  Sacrifices of time to see that we weren't parentless children as so many were around us.  Also, sacrifices of frozen meals because both parents worked to keep us in sports, Scouts or the like.  Sacrifices of time repurposing old bikes and making them look as new as possible so that we didn't feel short-changed. 

All those sacrifices and guess what?  What do the kids remember?  The cheap shoes and crappy frozen meals!  It isn't fair.  What's the most amazing part of it?  Even when they didn't get the thanks they deserved, they kept on keeping on.  Why?  Perhaps because they enjoyed the look in our eyes, or the amazement and wonderment of the new experience.  And so, the cycle continues.  I've heard parents say, "When you have children of your own, I hope they're just like you!"  And so it is.

So, while I will continue wishing and hoping and dreaming that Leah and Dax will one day understand just what it takes to make them happy...I will not hold my breath.  Hopefully one day, when they have children of their own, they will understand.  For now, I will express my deep hearted appreciation and love for all my parents did for me and hope that the saying is true, "It's better late than never".

Lastly, I will continue to reflect on my relationship with God in this regard.  He too is a loving parent and He too has made great efforts and sacrifices on behalf of my wants and needs.  He has given me much and I have great cause to be mindful of that.  Now, I am no longer a child.  I have no excuse.  I do not lack understanding.  I need to focus and recognize the great things in my life and not those things that seem to be lacking.  I will strive to treat those around me with love and make efforts to care for this beautiful planet He has given me and thus show my appreciation now.  I would be an ungrateful child if I did not.

What a great opportunity it is to be a parent.  To learn and gain insight to what my parents went through with me and my siblings and how Heavenly Father must feel about us as his children in so many situations.  I know He loves me like I love Leah and Dax...actually we cannot comprehend the love he has for us, but with this experience called parenting, he gives us a brief glimpse.

Grateful.