Killing Innocence

My daughter, Leah, is a sweet, sweet girl. Quite possibly the sweetest girl I know.  Now, she isn't going around building home for the homeless or giving her prized possessions away at every turn, but she is sweet and sensitive and has not a feeling of ill will within her for others.  She loves everybody she meets and expects others to feel for her the same way she feels for them.  She is far too trusting and her sweet and sensitive nature has been the source of concern for me.  Her feelings are too easily hurt by others who likely had no intent of hurting her, but nonetheless, I'm left wiping her tears with no explanation other than somewhat empty counsel that she needs to toughen up and move on.  

She is a very affectionate girl who is raised in a home filled with love.  She has been taught in word and deed to be kind to others and to let them know they are important to us and that we love them.  Along with that and her natural sweet, sensitive and affectionate personality, she is very trusting of others.  This has posed a dilemma for us when it comes to raising her in safety.  A little girl who expects the purest and best of others, with no expectation of anything other than good from those around her, is a difficult audience to have the "Stranger Danger" conversation with.  

So difficult!

I don't want to kill her sweet innocence by explaining to her that, not only are most people not as sweet and kind and considerate as she is, but that it's safer to almost assume that most are the complete opposite.  I don't want her to lose that innocent judgment assuming that the person she is talking to loves her as much as she loves them and then replace it with the assumption that the person might be a repulsive individual that may result to manipulating her sweetness for their own devious plans.  Surely, that conversation will lead to what it is that may make this person repulsive or how they may might manipulate her or what those evil and devious plans might be.  What a sad experience that will be; the day she discovers just how shitty this world can be.  

I realize it is my job to protect her and I take that to mean it is my job to protect her in every sense of the word; protect her from physical harm, mental anguish, emotional trauma and spiritual suffering.  You see the dilemma.  It seems at some point, I have to cause mental anguish, emotional trauma and spiritual suffering in order to protect her physically and from further mental, emotional and spiritual suffering.  Parenting is hard!  How wonderful it must be to see the world through the eyes of an innocent child.  How difficult a thing it will be to alter that forever.  :(

I am always mindful of the incredible insight we receive through our experience as parents.  We are granted a slight sample of how our loving Heavenly Father must feel as He watches us travel through our worldly experience; making decisions both good and bad, losing our innocence, serving others and so forth.  He must feel the same pride and pain we feel as we raise our children.  It seems to me that He practices great restraint as we trot along from one experience to the next.  I know He loves me so I'm sure he has the same feelings for me that I have for Leah and Dax.  He must have urges to step in and protect us from injury and harm's way, yet He allows us those growing experiences.  I am stressed with the responsibility of 2 children.  I cannot imagine having those feelings of stress amplified billions times over.  Sigh.

Being a parent also grants me insight into why so many of our spirit brothers and sisters chose to follow Satan's plan.  Satan's plan is not without its logic and for that reason God lost a host of the heavens to the great deceiver.  I can honestly say there have been many times I wish I could gather up Leah and Dax and place them in some special chamber where no harm can befall them in any way, thereby relieving me of any fear or anguish I would feel as a result of their stumbles and falls.  Honestly, there are times in my life that I wish God would place me in some similar chamber to protect me from myself and my own foolish decisions.  Fortunately, a loving Heavenly Father understands my growth comes from those very same dilemmas, experiences and the accompanying rewards and consequences of my decisions.  

I understand it too.  I really do.  But can't I protect her and grant her this time for a little longer.  Once that innocence is lost, it cannot be returned.  Recently Sarah's Uncle and Aunt visited from West Virginia for the week.  They brought with them their 18 year old Grandson.  Now, I have since come to know his young man, but initially I didn't know him at all; how he was raised, his character or his values.  Nonetheless, we opened our home to him and placed within harms reach, my children.  Immediately, my over protective Daddy button was depressed and activated.  I lost sleep and probably made this young man feel uncomfortable as I repeatedly demanded of Leah to stop being her affectionate self as she played with him in the only way she knows how...without any possibility that this young man might mean her harm.  

I literally lost sleep as I worried about this.  I had explained to Leah in general terms that it was important for her to not cuddle with this young man or that she needed to grant him his personal space.  She, of course, inquired to know why and what was the reason for asking her to change who she was and how she acted.  I gave every possible lame excuse I could, but it was obvious she wasn't understanding or seeing any real reason for it.  I finally came to the conclusion I would have to sit down and explain to her the reality of this world we live in.  That most people were inherently good, but some were downright dangerous and evil.  Surely I would have to explain more, that even good people sometimes succumb to sick intentions and that her safety might be jeopardized by not being more cautious.  I have every bit of faith in Leah's ability to communicate with me if something went wrong and in her ability to stop the situation or to walk away.  My concern wasn't that, but rather placing her in a situation where she then had to view others in a different light, or in a darker way.  It pains me to have to do that to her. 

There had to be another option available to me, but what?  After much prayer and supplication, the answer came to me.  I would speak to the young man.  I would explain my gratitude for him and the kindness he had shown to my daughter.  I would explain how much Leah looked up to him and how she had expressed to me that she wished he was her big brother.  I would then give him insight into what a stress it was to be a Father the of an innocent girl who loved without restraint and without fear that somebody might do anything to hurt her.  I would then ask his help in the matter.  I did just that.  

I explained to him that I have enjoyed getting to know him better and believed him to be of great character.  I told him that if I had to bet on his character, I would wager everything I own to do so and that I believed he was a good person.  I then explained that if I had to then bet my daughter on that same bet, that I could not because that is a wager that was far too great for me to make.  I love her that much.  I learned he was feeling a bit uncomfortable as well (probably as a result of my over protectiveness).  I let him know it was a HUGE compliment for Leah to wish that he was her big brother.  I explained how difficult the prospect was of having to explain to her why I didn't want her wrestling with him or cuddling with him...how sad it was for me to even consider having that conversation with her.  He understood.  I asked if he would help by asking her directly to not cuddle with him or wrestle with him and he agreed.  I then asked of him, as Leah's honorary brother, to help her learn how to ride a bike.  The conversation went exactly as the spirit had laid out for me as an answer to my prayer.

Disaster averted.  Not necessarily the disaster of something happening to Leah, in fact there was likely no danger present anyway, but I avoided the sad experience of sitting my little girl down and asking her to see the world in a way that was no longer child like.  I dodged the bullet and have not yet had to sit down with her and explain to her that she should see the potential lowest in others rather than the best.  I have delayed the killing of her innocence for the moment.  I know at some point, rather as a result of some awful experience or as a result of my duty as a parent, her innocent view of the world will come to an end and I don't look forward to that day.  I'm envious of children and how perfect the world must seem.  She is learning it isn't entirely perfect as she bruises her knees and witnesses loved ones like her Grandpa passing, but those are easily explained as simply part of having a physical body that is prone to disease and injury.  It is a far harder thing to understand the disease of the mind, heart and soul.  

I'm grateful for all I have been given.  My parents superbly protected my innocence for so long and I'm certain it was difficult.  How much harder is it today to do so?  How much shorter lived is that innocence in today's day and age?  I'm certain with their examples, Sarah's companionship and wisdom, the guiding Spirit and the love of God, I can navigate this thing called parenting with all it's joys and pains.  I know Leah and Dax can learn to see the world as I see it, a most beautiful experience; one that gives you everything you demand of it.  I hope they learn as I have that you can see the beauty of God and humanity all around you, while being optimistically cautious of the dangers that can be found in the darker corners of man's soul.  I'm mostly grateful for the insight God gives me to know firsthand of the love He feels for us, even the love of a parent.

In case Justin reads this, which I doubt anybody will, I am appreciative of his child like love for Leah and all the other cousins.  If I had to bet all I own that he was a good young man of sound character, I would make that bet and I'm certain I would win.  He'll understand our conversation more fully when he has children of his own.