I am getting old. As I get old, more and more, I just need to take a seat. This is one of those times and I have plopped myself down on the pity pot! I don't complain much, but sometimes, I just need to vent. Some know, many do not, that I suffer from three different, but related auto immune diseases; Rheumatoid Arthritis, Psoriatic Arthritis and Psoriasis. Fun times. I try not to complain, but on occasion, I feel the need to let others in on my suffering. I try to always remind myself that worse things happen to better people every day and I am truly a blessed man. Nonetheless, sometimes it just gets to me and that has been the case all this year.
The pain is often unbearable, such that it keeps me up all night...like tonight. As I sleep, with every turn or move, the pain wakes me up, making sleep a futile exercise. Pooh can testify that I move A LOT as I sleep. I am not a fan of the thought of taking pain pills so I avoid anything for pain as if it were the plague itself. I don't even take Aleeve until it is so unbearable. It is hard for me to explain how painful it is. The last month it is constant. It hurts to walk. It hurts to sleep. It hurts to stand. It hurts to sit. I think what best illustrates how painful it has become is this...Two of my favorite things in the entire world that I enjoy more than anything but my family, are mowing the lawn and driving my Jeep. I have considered several times this month that I should hire someone to care for my lawn and that I should sell my Jeep. The day after I mow the lawn is unbearable. Getting in and out of my Jeep is extremely difficult and painful.
I really shouldn't complain. Maybe I won't even publish this post. The last thing I ever want to appear to be is a cry baby. My arthritis began it's attack about 15 years ago. I remember the first time I felt joint pain, I complained so much to those around me. One of those people blessed to hear my whining was Pooh's cousin, Jenteal. Skiing was difficult, but my arthritis was only an annoyance at that point, so I didn't let it slow me down at all. After going skiing with Pooh and Jenteal a few times (and complaining the whole time), I remember realizing that Jenteal has NEVER uttered one word of complaint, frustration or pain. This is significant because Jenteal has lived with RA her entire life. Her RA was so bad that she had both hips replaced at the young age of 24! Never a word of complaint left her lips! What a champ. I need to be more like her. I try. Sometimes though, I just can't do it. I have to moan aloud.
I am excited for Thursday because I am switching my meds. I used to take two injections of Enbrel every week. Shots really suck and I hate them, but Enbrel really seemed to help a lot with my arthritis. It was also supposed to help with my psoriasis, but had little effect on it. For this reason, my doctor, Dr. Richard Call, switched me to Humira with a 4x suggested dosage to begin. It was our hope that this would have the same affect on the arthritis with the added benefit of improving my skin condition. When taking 4 times the normal dosage, it did help my skin. Unfortunately, it had little effect to no effect on my joints. Now that I am on a 2x dosage the effect on my skin is minimal and my joints have never hurt worse. Beginning Thursday, I am switching back to Enbrel. Pray with me that it has immediate results.
I could really use it. I would love to take the stairs at work. I would love to get in and out of my Jeep without regret. I would love to mow the lawn with out ramifications the following day. I am sick of living in pain and that is what I have done the last few months. It is frustrating. Typically the Winter is the most difficult time of year with no need for meds at all in the Summer. I have never suffered more. Never more in the Winter time and it is the middle of Summer! Never more without meds than I am right now on meds. I need to do something about it. I know there is more I can do such as lose weight. As one who does not necessarily overeat, it is an uphill battle when it is too painful to exercise or the meds you take induce weight gain. Nonetheless, I have always believed, "where there is a will, there is a way". I have to find a way and the will to match.
Well, there you have it. I bet most of you are thinking, "Hey Q, next time you need to take a seat, sit in a recliner and give the pity pot a rest!" Sorry. Thanks for letting me vent though.
5 comments:
Wow, I didn't know you had these ailments. I hope (and pray) the medication change will help. I've enjoyed reading a bit this morning on your blog and catching up on your life a bit!
Marque, No one would consider that you are on a pity pot. You are very closed mouth about the things you suffer. The biggest of which is lack of sleep. You hardly ever complain, you don't even want to answer a "how are you" with anything but a positive answer. One time when I was RS Pres and Grandpa had just died I was crying at church and felt bad...like I was supposed to be setting some example of bravery or something. Someone saw me and told me that I needed to share the pain with the sisters so they wouldn't feel guilty if they went through the same thing. It meant alot to me especially when she lost a baby a year later, and she knew that I at least understood a bit the pain she was in.
I just visited Ashley Winters She has severe MS. She has made the decision to share her life because MS IS her life. She has blessed so many with her bravery and honesty.
When you have an illness you can't run away from it, but you can count your blessings as you do MOSTBLESSEDMAN, but you can also acknowledge what else is going on so we can all help with our prayers Love you!
Sorry Marque you have to deal with so much pain!!! Hope the switch in meds helps and you soon feel like a new 25 year old man!!
Is that the young Dr. Call? He's my Dr too and he's a HOTTIE!! =)
Richard Call (the elder) was my doctor before he left to serve a mission in Brazil. I have been tossed to Call the younger. I have only met with him once. Not uber impressed just yet.
Trust me.. If you were female you would be impressed!!! HAHAHA!!!!
Post a Comment