Q, Pooh, Lou & #2: Too Much?

I have accidentally become one of those parents. I remember when Sarah and I first got married and we were exploring the idea of starting our family. I live in a pretty amazing part of the world and the people in my small neighborhood and ward have always impressed me and given me so many wonderful examples of what families should be and what good parenting looks like. I really am blessed and I don't know if my neighbors fully comprehend how much I rely on them, their experience and successes when it comes to them raising their children and how much influence it has on me as I raise mine. They are such good role models.

As those without children often tend to do, I would find myself, on occasion, being critical of those same role models I admired. There wasn't much to criticize really. Like I said, they clearly must have done something right to have raised such good young men and women, yet I still was a bit opinionated in one area of parenting that I noticed. I am not sure if it is a Utah thing or an American Fork thing or just a Mormon thing...perhaps it is an economic thing, but it seems that the youth in my neighborhood were into everything!

Growing up, my parents did whatever they could to give us opportunity. Of course, we didn't have much so this often took much sacrifice. I remember when they purchased a piano and what a sacrifice that was. My Mother often reminded me of that as the piano collected dust after I quit promptly after a month of lessons. It seemed that we all had our thing. I don't remember being in a million different things. For me it was Scouting and Soccer. As I got older, I enjoyed surfing and working. Those were my things. I certainly didn't do them all simultaneously. I know my parents put my brothers in gymnastics and soccer and I think they both tried out baseball, but it was one thing at a time. I just assumed that was the way it was, never realizing that it might have been a financial issue or perhaps by design.

Flash forward to my early years of marriage as I observed these fine families around me. It seemed...and I use the word "seemed" on purpose as I realize that perception is not always an accurate assessment of reality...it seemed that every kid played a dozen sports, mastered two dozen instruments all while getting their Eagle Scouts by age 4 (an obvious exaggeration) and maintaining straight A's. It was, and still is, a bit overwhelming. As is typically the course of action in overwhelming situations, I found fault in what I saw. I said to myself, "How does the kid experience life?" "Are they asking too much of these kids?" "This can't be right!"

Now flash forward to last Saturday. Somehow, on accident, I became one of those parents. We found ourselves running Leah here and there to meet obligations we had made on her behalf. She had a soccer scrimmage on Monday, Cheerleading/Tumbling on Wednesday, Cheerleading from 4-5 on Thursday only to race across town so she could attend Soccer practice from 5-6. Saturday she had a soccer game at 11am in Cedar Hills and then we raced to Alpine so she could cheer at a football game at noon! As I look back, I'm not convinced those parents I had criticized (yet highly admired) had even done anything wrong, but here I was, guilty of the very same thing I scrutinized. How did this happen?

Poor Leah. She looked half committed in both the Soccer and Football games. Her energy sapped and her enthusiasm depleted. I felt awful. When we had discussed if we should enroll Leah again in Soccer, Sarah pointed out to me that she already had Cheer and that the two might be in conflict. I ignorantly responded, "Nah. It will be fine." What was I doing to her? How was she to experience life if we were running her here, there and everywhere? Was I asking too much of her? This can't be right. And now she has piano starting on Mondays in two weeks! OI!

All of these things require great sacrifice on our part. I'm starting a business and am making much, much less than I have in the past 20 years. These sports, performing arts and music lessons cost a lot of money and that is something I am short on at the present time! It is a big sacrifice to Sarah too as she budgets her time and schedules pick ups and drop offs for everything. It's not easy...not to mention the fact that Leah is THE WORST when it comes to getting her ready. She would easily trade the most important thing in the world to her in a moment for a couple more minutes doing whatever it is she is doing at the time. Getting her ready is always a fight for Sarah. But mostly, my concern is the sacrifice Leah might be making. This concerned me more than the cost or time Sarah and I had committed to.

With this heavily on my mind, we headed to our weekly Daddy Daughter Date to Paradise Bakery as we have done every Saturday for the last 2 1/2 years (we've missed a few, but mostly we go religiously). We got our usual; me the ham and Swiss croissant and Leah two cookies...one chocolate chip and one black diamond. We sat at our usual table and as we ate, we talked as we usually do. I asked her, "Do you like soccer?" She replied swiftly, "Yes". I then asked, "Do you like cheerleading?" Again her answer came quickly, "Yes". I then asked, "Is it too much?" She explained that she was tired today at cheer because of soccer, but that she didn't think it was too much. I then asked her, "If you could quit one of them, would you? And if so, which?" She thought for a second and said, "I don't want to quit either. I love them." As I sat silently evaluating not only what she said, but also the tone of her voice and the look on her face as she said it, she repeated, "Daddy, I don't want to quit either. I love them both."

I'm glad she likes both. I'm also glad she likes dance and gymnastics and horse riding. I'm glad she likes her dog and her scooter and her bike. I'm glad she likes school and visiting her Grandma and playing with her friends. All of these things we provide for her because we love her. I still believe it is too much. Just like it is too much under the tree Christmas morning. I struggle to teach her to appreciate all she has and to consider those who go without. I want her to find happiness in herself and not to rely on finding it in things or even in other people. I know if she finds happiness in herself she will find so much more happiness in these things we do for her and those around her.

I apologize to those parents that I may have raised an eyebrow to as I observed their seemingly genius children who accomplish so much. I have no idea how they do it. I am jealous of their skill and admire them. I pray constantly that I can be as good of a parent as I see in them. Perhaps they did ask too much of their children. Perhaps they did not ask enough. More than anything I just want my children to be happy and to have opportunity. Just as my parents did for me and just as these other parents want for their children.

I will continue to provide opportunity for Leah and I pray that she realizes what great opportunities will be placed at her feet. I pray she takes advantage of them. I pray she learns the value of hard work and the joy that comes from success on the field, stage or otherwise as she applies all of herself and pushes through the pain and difficulties. I know if she will grasp this concept, it will translate to success in all she does. Perhaps that is why we do it. One thing for sure, it comes from love.

Post Script - I wish to again reiterate my love, appreciation and admiration for the many good parents that are around me. It is not uncommon for me to find myself teary eyed as I count my blessings and ALWAYS these good people are among those blessings. You good parents are among the many reasons why I am The Most Blessed Man.

Here are photos of Leah's first double sport weekend.